THERAPY SESSION SEASON FINALE : YOU'RE LOOKING TO BE OFFENDED

" you heal every time you break out of a cycle of letting hurt versions of your inner child make decisions for you as an adult" - Billy Chapata

Offense is a very bizarre emotion. Walk with me...

I sometimes spend my days watching and listening to tik tok live. They're usually Congolese. It's a way for me to keep up with what's happening within my culture and they usually have subject of conversations where people chime in, share their stories and talk about the lessons they learned. I'm sure you know me by now, I love a good lesson! 

One day, they were covering a story about the death of a father and his son. They were brutally murdered in Toronto, Canada; which brought about the conversation that "parents who live abroad do not care too much about their children's whereabouts and well being. All they mostly care about is their money." Congolese parents who raise their kids abroad are considered lazy and incompetent. That made me feel a way. Although they weren't generalizing, those who spoke on it, had very strong opinions. 

One girl in particular, talked about her experience living with her father back in Congo. Her father made sure to be present at home and also worked. Her mother lived abroad and they hadn't seen each other in over 5 years. When the time came, The family was reunited abroad. Once they arrived, she felt as though her mother worked too much and didn't pay too much attention to her the way her father did back home and it led her to a deep depression. 

She talked about having a conversation with her mother on how she felt; though it was received, her mother still kept her jobs but started showing up in her life a little more. She still didn't see that as enough.

I commented on it and said that her feelings are valid but she should also give her mother grace because life abroad is very expensive and some parents are working very hard to make ends meet so if she is not showing up 100%, it doesn't mean that she loves her less. 

Once that comment was posted, the host got really defensive even border line impolite by saying : " You should watch your mouth! I am a mother and I had to go from full to part time to take care of my kids. My kids are a priority so you shouldn't fix your mouth saying that they need grace. Parents are supposed to show up for their kids no matter what. Their problem is that they love money too much!" -- I was very taken aback by her comment. I felt odd because I didn't mean to offend her and I wanted to request to go up and have the conversation explaining myself but I couldn't. The only thing I could of done was be a spectator. So I bottled that emotion and it started showing up in other areas as lack of patience and extreme frustration.

I had to ask myself if I was okay. I was frustrated for taking what she said to heart so I asked: " What's wrong Gloria and why are you offended? You couldn't go up and explain yourself so no one knows how you feel but it's no reason to hate the person. As a matter of fact, they do not know you. You've invested your emotions into this and now you can't get over it. Take an hour to cool off and after the hour, we're moving on to other things.". So said, so done. 

Having that assertive yet calm conversation with myself made me realize that I was never given the time and opportunity to process how I felt. I was always expected to move on after being badly talked to and that built up a lot of resentment. That talk made me feel validated. You know what they say, Better late than never!

Dear God,

In times when I look to be offended, I pray that I'm reminded to rely on you for clarity and peace of mind. And in times my emotions take over, I pray that you remind me to be the adult I would of wanted to have as a child.