GOD HAS A FUNNY SENSE OF HUMOR

A couple of days ago I noticed myself slipping and kind of hitting rock bottom. Some will say it's because I'm low on iron. So fatigue, dehydration and loss of appetite have been a battle this year but it's also because, the month of July just started off on the wrong foot. Yes, I kept going places and keeping myself busy, but it's genuinely because I was mentally declining and running away was the best option. 

July was full of bliss but also full of heartache and I couldn't compartmentalize, so I did everything at once until I crashed. What's the famous quote every dangerous stunts performed on live tv say: " DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME" results may very and mine almost sent me into a full mental break down. I also wasn't helping my situation. I didn't feel sorry for myself. 

Until the famous day, when I found myself in my room and realizing, I keep coming back to the same place and facing myself. With no distraction, just me. No matter how much noise the tv made, it always sounded distant because I was in my head and couldn't snap out of what seemed to be self pity. So I did what I do best, I sparked up a light conversation with God. 

I told Him the following: " No matter how far I run, where I go and what I do, I can't seem to get this thorn out of my heart. I try. I really try and I know better. And instead of simply running back to you every time, I wanted you to be proud of me I wanted you to see that I worked it out alone. But I see that it's not working so, here I am." I was so vulnerable in that moment that I didn't cry. I just sat there with a blank look on my face, lost in thought and just talking... like I was crazy. If you were a fly on my wall you would of been asking a lot of questions. 

I let the moment pass a bit and then I vividly heard it. " The money you're using to buy alcohol, take trips and run away to deal with your pain/heartache/sorrows, you could of used that money to pay for a therapist when we first talked about it. I can help you, but you need to help yourself as well" uhm ... OUCH?!? I wish I was kidding when I say, verbatim! Anyways, the next day, I had plans to go to a market and when we got to the end of the event, my eyes shifted by the door and I noticed this beautiful woman. I already need glasses because I don't see from far but this lady, I noticed her. It's like she shifted something in the room. I decided to get up and go by the washroom and there she was, still standing by the door having a conversation with other people but when I looked at her, she was oozing a very peaceful energy and I really wondered if I wasn't just losing my mind because so many people came and went. So what was so special about her? 

When I went back to my seat, that's when she came by our table to speak with us. She was getting ready to leave and she said : " I also have a business of my own" and gave us her card. As she gave it to my friend to read, I asked her: "what is it you do?" , she said : " I'm a psychotherapist " I had to look at my friend in disbelief because she was holding the card and passed it to me saying : "well, you were looking for a therapist, here you go!" I just smiled and took the card thanking the peaceful lady for coming my way. 

I thought she was going to leave after giving us her card because I did tell her I was going to call and book the consultation. Here is where I'm still trying to figure out if it's just in my head or I noticed right. God knows me, inside and out. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He knows when I am determined to do something and when I say I am determined to do something. The peaceful lady then said: " You know what? I'll take down your email address and phone number and I will reach out to you so I can also have your records on my end and I can help you book the consultation and we can go from there" Mind you, she didn't have a pen nor did she have a paper. She went to go find it and came back to our table and handed me her phone to write down my number and email address.

When she left. I couldn't stop smiling and saying : " God has a very funny sense of humor because what are the ODDS that just yesterday, I was looking into therapists because I started getting fed up of trying to heal on my own and boom! today, I get one that came delivered to me personally and on top of that, because God knows that I said I was going to call her but He knew I was going to drag my feet, she had to insist on getting my information. He's also so fed up with me and my ways." 

I'm sharing this story with you because I want to shed light to our mental health and how important is. Being this all around independent person could be a blessing and a curse because yes, you can do it on your own but there are just certain obstacles of life that you will only be able to get through by asking for help or talking to someone. In the black community, we don't all believe in therapy and this is something we all need. I am very glad I'm starting on this journey I've been putting on the backburner for years now. This is the year of execution and I will get it done no matter what.

Heavenly father,

It was about time I got to where I am now. I do not know how I will go about this but I trust that the person you brought me, will be used as a vessel to help me get to the next step. You wanted me to try on my own, which I did and no matter what I did, where I went and how I delt with it, that thorn was still there. I pray that healing follows me for the rest of my life. I no longer want to be overloaded with my past, I want to talk about it, find a solution and move on to what you have in store for me. And for those still hesitating or looking for a sign or a way to get themselves someone that can physically help them heal or understand what's happening in their lives, I pray you provide them the best care and prove to them that their prayers aren't going unnoticed. Because you are God today, tomorrow and forever more.