Writer's photography

" everything doesn't have to hurt in order for you to deserve it " - Unknown I started a new job not too long ago and on September 27th 2019, at exactly 3:05 pm, my heartbeat increased. I looked at my fitness watch and it went from a 70 bpm to 120 bpm and increasing. I didn't understand why but I just knew that my body was over taken by fear. Where did this come from? I have no idea. what triggered it?  I don't know. I just knew that I suddenly became really cold and everything around me begin to fade. I was more in my head than I was in the present. Every seconds that went by, my heartbeat increased. At that moment, I feared failing. I feared always being the last choice and never the first one. Being left for someone better ( there always is ). I feared not making my mother proud. I feared not being authentic. I feared for my health and mental state. I feared not being okay and never making it to where I need to go. I feared having a family of my own but not...

Another 365 days have passed and here you are again. This time you made it to a quarter century. How are you doing ? Enjoy your day with your loved ones, you lived and you learned a lot... apply it in your life as of now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLORIA. 

Dear you, the silence you are hearing lately, isn't a sign for you to act recklessly. Just because you can't hear, doesn't mean you cannot observe. Sincerely, take notes. Your healing is in the midst of your silence.

Dear you, Learn to forgive and forget. Sincerely, your reactions to situations are getting out of hand. It is okay to be full of emotions. It is not okay to not work on letting them go. You are hurting.

Pictures taken by :  Sarah Amy Jules   Location : Ottawa, Ontario , Canada. Website :  www.instagram.com/amyjulesphotography/

" First rule of healing is recognizing that you have a problem." - Unknown You know, ever since the month started, I've noticed, I lie a lot. Especially to myself. And this stems from the fear of being looked at badly and out of fear of the consequences of the truth. I would say things like " I'm going to... " then I don't. Losing complete reliability on myself and those around me. I read a post on social media that said " accountability feels like an attack when you are not ready to acknowledge how your behavior harms others " and it sat with my already sensitive feelings. This bothered me because not too long ago, I made the mistake to tell a lie and I didn't put myself in the person's shoe until after I said what I said and when they told me how they felt about the situation, you know I really tried to justify my lie as if it was okay for me to dictate how they should feel when I'm the one who hurt them? Yikes! The ENTITLEMENT...

Dear you, I see the way you look at life with disgust lately, have you stopped believing in God? You have a lot of prayers building up within you, when will you release them? Stop letting your fear of the world cramp what your heart's desires dearly, your need to love and be loved. Sincerely, - The confusion you allow to dictate your discernment.