BE AWARE OF YOUR TOXICITY.

" First rule of healing is recognizing that you have a problem." - Unknown

You know, ever since the month started, I've noticed, I lie a lot. Especially to myself. And this stems from the fear of being looked at badly and out of fear of the consequences of the truth. I would say things like " I'm going to..." then I don't. Losing complete reliability on myself and those around me.
I read a post on social media that said "accountability feels like an attack when you are not ready to acknowledge how your behavior harms others" and it sat with my already sensitive feelings. This bothered me because not too long ago, I made the mistake to tell a lie and I didn't put myself in the person's shoe until after I said what I said and when they told me how they felt about the situation, you know I really tried to justify my lie as if it was okay for me to dictate how they should feel when I'm the one who hurt them? Yikes! The ENTITLEMENT...

Dear Self,

1. Listen to that voice in your head that tells you " if you don't tell the truth now, here's how it's going to affect this person/ this situation"
2. Pay attention to the sick feeling you get whenever you are telling a lie, that's your body reminding you that you're about to do damages with your words.
3. Be accountable for the mistakes made. Making up an excuse is like saying sorry and adding a "BUT" to the apology. It invalidates the whole statement.
4. No matter how intimidated or how bad the truth is going to hurt, still tell it. Don't make up a story to make yourself look good in a situation you created. You're not impressing anybody!
5. 10/10 there will be consequences in telling the truth, but 9/10 the truth will be more respected and held up to a higher stature because you didn't try to manipulate a situation to fit your circumstance.

A lot of times, we refuse to be held accountable for our actions because it makes us look bad in front of others, but everything always comes back full circle... believe me, I know!

Dear God,

I am writing with a heavy heart,
teach me to be more accountable for my actions,
I have asked you to reveal to me who I am and you are doing it bit by bit
and this month alone you've shown me that my actions and my words are my biggest downfall.
I apologize for hurting those who did not deserve it.
I apologize for even allowing myself to believe my own lies.
I pray you teach me better through my entourage.
May they not live a lie nor experience a life full of lies.
In your name I pray...

Amen.

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