I forgive, but I never forget.


" Not everyone you love is meant to be tangible. Praying for them but keeping them away from your space is also a form of love." - Gloria Mwange

It's been a little over a month now that I have been trying to crack the code on forgiveness and I can't lie, it has been the hardest thing I have done since 2018 has started. We all know how the mind works sometimes and if it doesn't forget, you will never know true forgiveness.

I remember a story in the bible when Peter asked Jesus how many times we had to forgive those who sin against us; and Jesus replied " Seventy times seven times everyday" - Matthew 18:21-22. Not a lifetime, but every time someone wrongs us, we have to forgive. Can you imagine? we live in a world that continuously tells us that we can forgive but never forget what the person has done, do you know how hard it must be to truly forgive?

There is a specific reason why I'm insisting on forgiveness. It's not JUST because I am Christian so it's automatic that I do. But because I am human and I truly felt how being unforgiving can consume ones heart and essentially rot them into bitterness. How holding on to a grudge can be more deteriorating to yourself than it is to the person you're trying really hard not to forgive. So I had to unpack and dissect what was carrying so much weight in my heart and let go of it once and for all.

Let me let you in on a secret. I will admit that I had hate in my heart. No, not dislike... genuine Hate. The type when the person walked in the room, everything of me shifted. Every time I heard their voice my heart felt anger. ouh! you know the Emoji with thunder on their head and fumes coming out of their ears? Yep, that was me. And everyday for 304 days, I thought of a million and one ways to genuinely hurt them. It. Was. Toxic !!! whew ...

One night, I couldn't sleep. I felt pressure on my chest. My mind could not stop repeating this unknown hurt and it bothered me to the extent of even losing sleep. I kept remembering the quote that goes something like " The person you want to hurt so badly, doesn't even know about your existence." That felt like a dagger right through my heart. How dare I be reminded of this?!. Having hate in your heart for someone is a very strong emotion and I needed to know WHY I hated them to validate it. But God doesn't sleep. That night was my night of healing. I proceeded on listing reasons why I hated this person and I just kept getting disappointed because not only was there no reasons to justify this strong feeling but I realized that I took what was supposed to be a seasonal lesson and I wanted to turn it into a lifetime relationship and unfortunately, what's meant to be gone, must be removed and I failed to understand that so it made me bitter.

I kept thinking to myself : "but I pray. I am a Christian. When Dr. Michaux Mundala insists on how crucial forgiveness is, I write it down. I understand.. but WHY was I unable to let go? it makes no sense!!" But God is so faithful man! He noticed how tired I was becoming of continuously feeling this way, how unproductive I was becoming, how away from Him I was walking and He brought me peace of mind. To the point where, the day I after, I saw the person, it was like nothing. I was actually happy. The things that made me bitter, no longer did. Instead, I prayed for them. For their future and I thanked God for the lesson he had required me to learn through them.

Dear Magnificent God,
How great is your name,
How amazing you are to me
you worked your way into my heart to help me forgive and let go.
You reminded me not to cling onto seasonal relationships and I thank you
Father, to those struggling with an unforgiving heart, touch them. As they read this,
remind them of who they are supposed to be in you. Who you have created them to be. Make their hearts lighter oh God!
As this new journey into freedom begins,
Let us walk into life with open hearts and minds that do not get easily offended.
Teach us to seek you more and more everyday so that we get a better understanding about forgiving seventy times seven each day.
In Jesus name, Amen.

P.s: You can have people in your heart but they do not necessarily have to be in your life. Forgive and remember your seasons.

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