END OF 28 S1.E2 - Familiarity breeds contempt

 " A lonely day is God's way of saying He wants to spend some quality time with you" - Criss Jami

One thing about turning 28 made me realize that I had to spend a lot of days on my own. And when I was surrounded by people, loneliness was a feeling I felt often. That made me wonder a lot. The people I was around, I loved them. They made me feel less alone, they actually made my days better; But why was I still feeling alone? What was this weird grief I felt that always brought me back to unbearable loneliness ? 

I remember having a conversation with my friend one day and laying it all out to her because I kept getting lightbulb moments where the message was as clear as day that the season I was currently in was a season of isolation. 

It took me awhile to recognize that. The feeling of grief that kept lingering was a reminder that my life is changing. I'm no longer living life as I was before. Reality set in when I was in my room not in need of anybody but God and books. I begin dedicating time for myself. When I'd get asked to go out I would choose my own company over anything. 

I love that I paid attention to that transition. Feeling alone in a crowd used to be a bad feeling for me because it meant that I was deteriorating mentally but this time, feeling alone in a crowd just reminded me that I did not belong where I was and I couldn't tolerate staying there any longer. 

I read somewhere that growth will feel uncomfortable when you don't pay attention to where you are. You will think you belong out of comfort but life will stretch you to the point of discomfort and you will have no choice but to move.

Dear 19 year old me,

look at us now. Who would of thought? 

Not me!

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